Magistra Anne Smith and The Shipley Middle School’s own Apollo Theater Productions present…..
the “Aulularia, the Pot of Gold (or “Ulularia”: a howling good comedy on the Lupercalia )
Dramatis Personae:
1. Lar Familiaris, the household spirit of Euclio………..…Cornelius Raynor
2. Narrator, Prologa………………………………………….Aphrodite Buccieri
3. Euclio, an old gentleman (miser) of Pompeii……………….Aemilius Whyte
4. Staphyla Coccyx, old slave of Euclio…………………….Gratia O’Malley
5. Eunomia, a lady of Pompeii……………………………….Gracilia Ford
6. Megadorus, a wealthy senex and
neighbor of Euclio + brother of Eunomia ………Maximus
Hilzinger
7. Patheticus, slave of Megadorus………………………………Acheron Dillon
8. Grumio, a cook………………………………………………Henricus Morgan
9. Anthrax, another cook……………………………………….Carrus Brown
10. Lyconides, a handsome youth + son of Eunomia……………..Andreas Schwartz
11. Lucilla, slave of Lyconides…………………………………Stella Pritchard
12. Phaedra, beautiful daughter of Euclio………………………Pacifica Weinstock
13. Phrygium, lovely dancing girl………………………………Melissa Dantzler
14. Eleusium, another lovely dancing girl……………………… Aphrodite Buccieri
15. Versipellis, a werewolf…………………………………………Pluto Ritner
16. Lupaphilia, a priestess at shrine of Fides…………………Regina Blumenthal
17. Pulchria, another priestess at shrine of Fides………………Marcella Heywood
18. Pugnax, a gladiator…………………………………………Descens Stein
19. Gloriosus, a stunt gladiator…………………………………Alexander Nofer
*Song (adapted lyrics, melody) from “A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum” movie and
Broadway play:
“Everybody Ought to Have a Maid”
synopsis
A reclusive miser, Euclio, tries to conceal his hidden pot of gold, even from his beautiful daughter Phaedra.
When an opportunity arises to marry her off to his rich neighbor, the old man Megadorus, who at first
thinks that having a wife is a ridiculous idea—but then his sister Eunomia talks him into matrimony; then
Euclio concedes—he can marry off his daughter (others see her as a treasure) and keep his pot of gold
(his real treasure= money), and thinks he is off the hook and will never have to pay for an expensive
wedding! But Euclio doesn’t know that Phaedra is secretly in love with Megadorus’s nephew, Lyconides,
the handsome youth….their slaves Staphyla Coccyx and Patheticus conspire to trick the poor Euclio and
have the young lovers meet in a secret hole in the wall between their houses, to whisper and meet
secretly…
Megadorus declares that he will pay for the cooks, Anthrax and Grumio, and the dancing girls (Prygia and
Eleusium) and all the culinary purchases for the nuptials, to be held on the Lupercalia, the festival of the
she-wolf the next day….all is going along as planned, until Euclio decides to hide his pot of gold in the
temple of Faith, trusting in divine guardianship, but Lyconides’ faithful slave, Lucilla, see him and she digs
up the treasure…then some gladiators walk by and flirt with the pretty priestess of the temple of Faith, and
they prove golden, but fickle, and the gladiators leave to fight in the arena…Then the play ends with a
surprise groom declaring his love for Phaedra, and all ends happily for everybody except Megadorus does
not get the girl!
“Aulularia” Latin script
Prologue:
Lar Familiaris: Salvete, optimi viri et feminae, ego sum Lar Familiaris, umbra familiae qui in hac villa habitat
(he points). multos annos domino et filiae aululariam possessi et custodivi—urnam auri! furtive, Euclio in
terra urnam posuit, clandestine! ille est miser et avarus ….
Narrator (annoyed): ehem! Heh! POOF! Lar, exi! superbus saccus venti! Tu meas lineas rapuisti!
ehe …Lar cupit Euclionem partiri aululariam, verum thesaurum, cum filia et in matrimoniam ducere, si
Phaedra cupit. nunc, pulchra Phaedra amat Lyconidem, pulchrum iuvenem qui in vicina villa habitat
(points). ecce! miser Euclio servam vituperat, ne serva aululariam invenit!...
Act I:
Scene 1:
Euclio: exi! Mehercle! (beating his slave woman) Staphyla Coccyx, noli explorare! pustilla! exi!
Staphyla Coccyx (enters, followed by Euclio who is slapping her) eheu! OUCH! EEE! domine, cur tu me
pulsas? ego sum tua fidelis serva.
Euclio: facit te fidelem! tu misera! noli domum purgare! exi!
Staphyla Coccyx: OUCH! domine, cur? consiste!
Euclio: tu ossea mulina! (hits her more, she exits) Juppiter! oculos scalpo ne secretum meum inveniat! Oi!
Oi! (he exits).
Staphyla Coccyx: O, me miserum! insanus est! Euclio non intellegit filiam est in amore!
Scene 2:
Euclio: gratias deis! meum aurum adest! Bene. secretum est...
Staphyla Coccyx! intra, domum custodi!
Staphyla Coccyx: gee whiz! sacrum bovum! miser! aliquid? nihil est in domo.
Euclio (aside): sic, ego sum miser! pauper! exeo ad forum… (slave goes inside, Euclio exits onto street)
ACT II:
Scene 1: (enter both from their fancy villa next door)
Eunomia: salve, carissime frater, Megadore! tu debes ducere in matrimoniam…tempus est.
Megadorus: QUID? Eunomia, quid dicis?
Eunomia: nulla femina est optima, sed—tu debes in matrimoniam ducere!
Megadorus: O, di immortals! Juppiter me conservat! O, interfice me nunc!
Eunomia: cur tu clamas?
Megadorus: ridiculum! quod ego pulcher et dives… uxor est dolor in..(beep!)
Eunomia: infidelis frater, uxor bona tibi benefit…
Megadorus: transfige me gladio! OK, bene… uxorem capiam, SI non dominatrix—sed pulcherrima et
pauper.
Eunomia: nulla uxor cum magno dote?
Megadorus: NON!
Eunomia: Quis?
Megadorus: feminae dives maritos vexant!...cupio pulchram ancillam!...sic! pauperem servam...
Juppiter! domina dives vestimenta nova semper emat! rapiat meam fortunam, meam libertam!
Eunomia: Quis? quae virgo!?
Megadorus: Phaedra. pulcherrima virgo quae in hac villa habitat!
Eunomia: Fortunatus!
Megadorus: Fortuna me irrideat. Phaedra est digna auri thesauri!
(both exit)
Scene 2: (passing in street)
Megadorus: salve, vicine! Euclio! dei te servant!
Euclio: salve! (aside) sed Megadorus est dives, ego miser…intellegit de meo secreto!
Megadorus: quid agis hodie, Euclio?
Euclio: misere! misere!
Megadorus: sed tu habes pulchram filiam, verum thesaurum! tu quoque est dives!
Euclio: Oi, vae! NON, NON! ego pauper! (aside) ille cupit meam aululariam!
(Euclio quickly runs inside to his house, to check on his pot of gold; he then comes
out hiding it under his tunic) WHEW!
Megadorus: quid dicis?
Euclio: nihil…quid cupis?
Megadorus: cupio tuum thesaurum!
Euclio: NON! ( holding fast onto his pot of gold)
Megadorus: SIC! cupio tuam Phaedram in matrimoniam ducere!
Euclio: mea filia? (aside) eheu! OK! sed nullum asinum argenti!
Megadorus: non, Castor! euge! cras nuptialis erit…promitte! vale!
Euclio: sic,. carpe puellam! (homo stulte!) vale!
(he starts to exit, and his tunic goes cha-ching, $ clinking)
Staphyla Coccyx! veni huc! cras, festus Lupercalia, nuptiales cum Megadoro! eme coquos et ancillas
salientes—sed minima pecunia!
Staphyla Coccyx: Yikes! O, Venus! O, NON! meus dominus non intellegit…Phaedra alterum amat….O,
quid faciam?
Scene 3:
Staphyla Coccyx: Phaedra! Phaedra!
Phaedra: adsum!
Staphyla Coccyx: terribile nuntium! Oh, Juno!
Phaedra: quid novi, Staphyla Coccyx?
Staphyla Coccyx: tuus pater ad matrimoniam—ad Megadorum—senex!
Phaedra: Eheu! O, me miserum! ille est SENEX! Yuk!
meum mortem! meos oculos pulchros et crines aureos eripiam!
sed, ego LYCONIDEM amo!....ubi?
Staphyla Coccyx: cras, ad Lupercaliam!
Phaedra: est terribile!
Staphyla Coccyx: habeo consilium…tu scis cavum muri inter villas?.. …
Phaedra: sic.. sucurre! tu es optima serva!. (she faints)
Staphyla Coccyx (lifting her up): tu eris sponsata!...ad tuum amorem! …
Scene 4:
Lar Familiaris: tempus est spirituali consilio!
Staphyla Coccyx: (exits to across street) Pathetice! Pathetice!
Patheticus: quis me vocat? quis me vexat? adsum!
Staphyla Coccyx: Pathetice! amantes….tuus Lyconides debet videre Phraedram hac nocte…ad cavum
muri …Phaedra est sponsata!
Patheticus: Phaedra est sponsata? ad Lyconides? euge!...
quomodo? ab Hercule!? sed illa est pauper…
Staphyla Coccyx: non, non! ad avunculum, Megadorum!
Patheticus: quid dicis? senex? woweee…fortunatus!
(whistles) Phaedra est pulcherrima!…quam praemium!, quam tootsiam!…quam…!
Staphyla Coccyx: tace! tu caudex!
Patheticus: OK, OK. excusa me! sed illa est pupa!….(howls a bit )
bene… exi, compone omnia ad nuptialem…ego dicam Lyconidem advenire sexta hora, secreto, ad
cavum muri.. bonam fortunam!
Staphyla Coccyx: OK, bene…!
Scene 5: (back in front of Euclio’s house)
Euclio : cras est festus Lupae, Lupercalia! O, omnia pecunia! cena! palla! quid faciam? ego sum excoritus!
Megadorus: si tibi placet, ego cupio emere omnia pro nuptiales! sic?
Euclio: sic!
Megadorus: Pathetice, veni huc, serve! exi ad forum, et eme omnia pro nuptiales!
Euclio: euge!
ACT III:
Scene 1: (one hour later)
Patheticus: (enters, bringing cooks and dancing girls, and food from the market; importantly) meus
dominus omnia haec in foro emit… hi coqui, Grumio et Anthrax, et pulchrae ancillae salientes, Phrygia et
Eleusium, et magnus porcus et agnes…ille dicit me dividere omnia in duas partes...
Anthrax: Juppiter! tu non potes dividere me in duos partes!
Grumio: non me!
Patheticus: imbeciles! meus dominus in matrimoniam agit, cras!
Anthrax: quis femina?
Patheticus: filia Euclionis, qui in vicina villa habitat. (points) ille illuc dimidium capit…unus coquus et una
ancilla; sic dicit dominus.
Anthrax: Oi! miserus! avarus…unus et una? Euclio non potest tradere plus argenti pro filiae
nuptialis?
Grumio: sic…illa puella est vera lupa, vera pupa! (howls)
Anthrax: tu cogis omnes puellas sunt veras lupas, veras pupas! tibi, omnis puella est lupa… tu es animal!
Grumio: sic! ego lupas amo…et cras est Lupercalia…puellae ubique!
Phaedra est vulpes! (howls again)
Anthrax: et tu es maximus lupus!
Patheticus: tacite, imbeciles! asini! vos debetis coquere cibum, non coquere super facta! Grumio, fer
omnia cena-farta, et ancillas, et porcum….
Grumio: quaedam? (nods to the girls) est porca?
Phrygia: furcifer! caudex! quem tu vocas porcam? tu es magnus porcus, tu es fungus! audio, tu es
pessimus coquus!
Grumio: Eh, pullila! solum fraudens-circum!
Phrygia: certe, NON fraudens-circum cum te! asine! omnes viri sunt porci!
Grumio: porca!
Anthrax: consiste! illa est mea columba, deliciae meae!
Grumio: ridesne?! es tu caecus?
Anthrax: ita vero. illa est mea parvula agnella! exi et cape suam puellam!
Patheticus: Anthrax, tu porta illum porcum, hanc ancillam nomine Phrygiam, et omnia farta trans viam ad
villam domini….
(Anthrax smiles triumphantly) et tu, Grumio, porta hanc ancillam nomine Eleusium, et agnem ad villam
Euclionis!
Grumio: Oi Vae! me miserable! veni huc, deliciae, Eleusium mea carissima, et coquamus aliquid bonum!
Anthrax: Ha! ego advenio ad magnam villam!
Grumio: Anthrax, tu es anthrax turpissimus in omnes coquos! eluviens-liquidus-caput! nemo tuas cenas
amat!
Anthrax: arrivederci! ciao!
Grumio; tu speras!
Eleusium: O, Grumio! ego audivi de tuo fotitudine in culina! tu es optimus! ut omnes puellae dicunt!
Grumio: tu id scis, mea delectatio!
Eleusium: ego non sum cara, sed ego possum salire et cantare! specta hoc! (she dances)
Phrygia: Oh, Yeah? specta hoc! (she dances)…
Grumio: Euclio est valde pauper…habetne ille ullum scaphium in villa?
Scene 2:
Euclio (is startled when all enter his house) O, non! di immortales! fures!
aululariam cupiunt! aurum rapiunt! Apollo, me serva!
Grumio: non! nos missi a domino… nos coquere hic…OUCH!
consiste! (getting beaten by Euclio).
Euclio: :fures! ego vos coquo! (beats them).
Grumio and Eleusium: OUCH! nos coquiti! pulsati!
Eleusium: OW! vulnerat! noli me pulsare! (exits)
Grumio: consiste! sucurrite, cives! sucurrite!
Euclio: tu, furcifer! tu intras meam villam, et tu habes scalpam!
Grumio: ego sum coquus, stulte! omnis coquus scalpam portat!
Euclio: sed tu me terres! et tu intras meam villam!
Grumio: miseracordia, ego non te transfigo!
Euclio: lentulum-cranium!
Grumio: sic! nunc meum cranium est lentulum, gratias tibi!
Staphyla Coccyx (enters): domine! consiste! Megadorus iubet illos coquos pro nuptialis!
Euclio: O, bene…manete! (goes inside, and checks his pot of gold again, thenPuts it under his tunic;
satisfied, he reappears) Ok, intrate, et laborate! aut ego vos vitupero!
Scene 3: (a bell chimes; a voice yells “sexta hora!”)
Staphyla Coccyx: est sexta hora vesperis! mea Phaedra debet venire ad amorem! (exits)
Phaedra (enters at hole in wall, and whispers) Lyconides! amatus! deliciae meae!
Lyconides (whispers) sic! ego sum tuus! carissima, mea Phaedra!
Phaedra: meus amor! O, Lyconides! basia me!
Lyconides: tu es dulcissima mihi, dulcior quam meos oculos! cupio ego te video… da mihi basia mille!
(kiss through a hole)
Phaedra: O, Venus et Juno! cras, ego nuptio tuum avunculum, Megadorum!
Lyconides: O, mehercle! NON!
Phaedra: re vera…quid faciam?
Staphyla Coccyx (enters): Lyconides, TU debes ducere eam in matrimoniam ad Lupercaliam! gere lupum-
vellem, et esto maritus!
Phaedra: Sic!
Lyconides: Sic!
Scene 4: (back at their houses on the street)
Megadorus: salve, Euclio! quid agis, et omnia farta?
Euclio: cur tu mittis bacchanalia ad meam villam? clamor!
Megadorus: bibimus ad nuptialem!
Euclio: (aside) ille cupit facere me ebriatum, et rapere meam aululariam!
Megadorus: quid dicis?
Euclio: primum, sacrificium facio! (and hide my gold prize!)
Megadorus: ad tabernam! (exits)
Euclio: ego debeo portare meam aululariam ad templum Fidei, ….et tumulo in terra….O, dea Fides!
custodi! exits to shrine)
ACT IV
Scene 1:
Lucilla (enters; aside) meus iuvenis dominus Lyconides iubet me, Lucilla, spectare hic, ad omnia et omnes
homines! et custodire puellam Phaedram oculis apertis….sedere hic….ecce! Euclio venit… hides)
Euclio (praying): O, dea Fides, mea fidelitate…custodi aululariam!
(buries it at this shrine; then exits to pub, and says to Megadorus)
nunc est bibendum!
Lucilla: immortales! O, quid audio? aurum? ille deponit in templo! amori pecuniae, Fides, esto fidelis mihi!
… (goes inside and digs to find pot of gold)… (shouts): EUREKA! aulularia! O, dies fabulosa, mirabile!
ego sum dives sicut OPRAH!
ACT V: (a full moon, eve of Lupercalia festival)
Scene 1:
Versipellis (howls in woods): AWRRR! OW OW AHROOOO!
(and runs across the stage)
Euclio (at the pub): quid est? …monstrum prodigium!
Megadorus: non…est versipellis, bonum!—cras est festus Lupercalia!
meus dies nuptialis! bibe vinum!
Euclio: si TU emis optimum vinum!
(they drink much wine)….
Scene 2: (morning of the Lupercalia)
Euclio (from his house): O, me miserum! fures! infidelis dea!
mea aulularia evanuit! et nimium vini!
Lyconides (from next door): quis clamorem facit extra nostram villam? Euclio? es tu ebrius? insanus?
Euclio: quis est? audio voces!
Lyconides: ego, Lyconides, filius Eunomiae.
Euclio: miserus! omnia vacua!
Lyconides: non, Euclio! cupio tuum thesaurum auream…..
Euclio: meum aurum? tu rapuisti? fur!
Lyconides: non. non rapui. peto…causa amoris!
Euclio: quid amoris? da mihi aurum!
Lyconides: quid? ego non aurum cupio..,cupio filiam ..ego Phaedram amo!
Euclio: quid?
Scene 3:
Lucilla (enters) domine! aululariam habeo!
Lyconides: Lucilla, tu optima serva! da mihi aululariam! ego offero ad Euclionem…
pro filiae…et ego te libero!
Lucilla: ego liberta?
Lyconides: sic! libero te…
Lucilla: LIBERTA! Di te servent….!
Scene 4 (at the Lupercalia feast)
(some Gladiators walk by the shrine of Fides…)
Pugnax: Io, Dude! quid agis?
Gloriosus: salve, Pugnax! agit, tu sentis fortunatus, hodie?
Pugnax: sic. bene…ego sentio inflatus et superbus…fer id, Glorisose!
Gloriosus: specta illas pulli-poos!
Lupaphilia (flirtingly): salve, magni pueri!? gladiatores, ubi vos exitis, sic festinare? venite huc, ad
templum Fidei!
Pulchria: salves, homines! Edepol! Gloriosus est valde pulcher!
Lupaphilia: quisquis? magnus, inflatus gladiator cum maximi musculis?
Pulchria: sic! ille est Gloriosus, audio ille est fortissimus gladiator in urbe!… eh, magne puer, cur tu non
venis super hic et oras aliquid? aut aliquem?
Gloriosus: salve, dulcissima…ego te oro ullo tempore…ego fidelis, sicut canis… mea pupilla!
Pulchria: nos virgines sacerdotes Fides sumu fideles et verae….veni huc, mellite!
Lupaphilia: sshhh! tlle est verus stultus-caput…idiotus…sed Pugnax ingeniosus est…femina-
interficitor…Pugnax, carissime, veni huc!…
Pugnax: excusate, feminae! sed officium vocat….est bona pugna in arena hodie ad festum…spectate me
superare Gloriosum!
Gloriosus: HA! tu bibis nimium vini…delusionalis…veni! eximus…illae sunt infideles…
Pugnax: sic. omnes quae luminant, non aureae sunt!
Lupaphilia and Pulchria: vale! vale! (exit)……
(and gladiators go fight and compete in festival…)
all girls: OOHH! AHHH! OH, NO! OH, MY! OOOH!
ACT VI:
Narrator: nunc est actus sextus festi Lupercaliae.. et nuptialis! Phaedra et Lyconides quisque capit, Euclio
aululariam capit-- iterum, et Megadorus non puellam capit…Phaedra est fidelis in amore…in fine, “Amor
omnia vincit”!
Scene 1: (everyone arrives for the feasting and wedding celebration)
Staphyla Coccyx: ecce, Phaedra!
Patheticus: sic, est paratus… sed Megadorus me pulsabit!
(at the altar, Phaedra stands with a veil on)
Phaedra: O, ubi est futurus maritus?
Euclio: Io, Io, ego sum despero!
Lyconides (enters, he has the wolfskin on himself, as the Groom; takes it off):
est ego, Lyconides! Phaedra: Ahh, meus amor!
Lyconides: meae deliciae, Phaedra! mea thesaura! (kisses her and hands over the pot of gold to Euclio)
Euclio: euge! mea aulularia!
Megadorus (arrives) hey, fur!, iuvenis!
Lyconides: avuncule!
Megadorus: Lyconides? et tu, Brute? bene, in familia est!
Phaedra: O, dies festus!
Staphyla Coccyx: whew!
Patheticus: euge!
Eunomia: O, Juno! fortunatus filius!
Megadorus: ego cupio vinum…..
Euclio: me, quoque…ego minimam emo!
(and they all exit off stage together, singing of song)
SONG: "Omnes habeant servam!" > Aulularia Latin song lyrics
-translated, and adapted from the song “Everybody Ought to Have a Maid” in A Funny Thing Happened on
the Way to the Forum, movie and Broadway show performances
SONG: Everybody ought to have a maid! Omnes habeant servam!
Everybody ought to have a working girl, Omnes habeant laborantem,
Oh yes, a poor, good-looking girl, miseram, pulcherrimam,
To have around the house! habet circum domum!
An obeying, and not saying girl, obsequentem, non dicentem,
Just a dear, no dowry girl, carissimam, non dotem,
Yes! Everybody ought to have a maid! Omnes habeant servam!
Cleaning in the upstairs, Purgans super-scalas,
Cooking in the kitchen, Coquens in culina,
Tidying up the bedrooms, Expediens cubicula,
Yes! Everybody ought to have a maid! Omnes habeant servam!
repeat: Omnes habeant servam!
Omnes habeant servam!
