Pimples and Other Distractions
Cast :3 (not gender specific)
INTENT: Dialogue development between 2/3 people.
Timing.
SETTING: A table and two chairs
________________________________________________________________________
Two people (1 and 2) at a table in a restaurant. They are reading the menu. A server (S) approaches.
S. Hi guys and welcome to Brass Rails and Fixtures, Café and Brasserie. My name is Vale and I’ll be your serving person
this afternoon. Here’s our menu (hands out menus to 1 and 2).
1. Thank you.
2. Thank you.
S. Would you like to hear our specials of the day?
1. Sure, why not.
2. Well, actually......
S. First we have our “Brass Knob”, one half pound all beef Texas range serloin served with a slight hint of jalapeno,
garnished with arugula and dusted with freshly ground Madagascar ginger.
“The Parlor Fan” is a zesty combo of crisp Romain lettuce, Boston bib, endive and thinly sliced yellow zuchinni tossed in a
raspberry vinaigrette with just a hint of garden mint.
“The Gilded Grate” features a quarter pound ranch ostrich burger, lightly covered in a golden yellow Stilton and served on
a bed of poached leeks and celery, gently spiced with freshly ground pink Indonesian pepper corns.
Our “Bronze Hinges” offers a delightful fanning of bok-choi, dressed in finely diced purple Burmuda onion, sweet Italian
basil, and tossed in thirty year, cask aged balsamic vinegar.
(1 and 2 stare blankly)
S. (continuing) What kind of sparkling water would you like with that?
1. What kind do you have?
S. Well, there’s Italian “spumo di spumante”, gazata or non gazata, French “fountaines vivantes” gaseuse or non ..........
2. Do you have just regular water.
S. From a pitcher?
1. Yes, just water.
S. I’m not sure.
2. Can you find out?
S. Yeh, sure. Why don’t I just go and see and you guys decide on your order.
2. Thank you.
S. Be back in a jif!
1 Well, let’s have a look at this. (Picks up the menu.) See anything?
2. No.
1. How about the specials?
2. Same difference.
1. Actually, I don’t even remember what they were.
2. Does it even matter? It’s all the same. Baskin Robbins.
1. Baskin Robbins?
2. Four hundred flavors and they all taste the same.
1. Maybe.
2. Or Dunkin’ Donuts.
1. Donuts?
2. Same thing. All this illusion of choice. All those donuts: cream filled, jellied filled, chocolate covered, vanilla covered,
sprinkles, sugar, cinnamon. And they all taste exactly the same.
1. No they don’t.
2. Yes, they do. Put a blindfold on and they all have the same super sweet sickening taste.
1. They’re not that bad.
2. But you have no choice. Choice is an illusion.
1. I never got that philosophical over a donut.
2. That’s not the point. The point is that life is the same way.
S: Hi, again. Ready for me to take your order?
2. The water?
S. Pardon?
2. Do you have water?
S. I’m very sorry. I’m afraid we don’t do that here.
2. You don’t “do” water?
S. No, I’m sorry. Are you ready to order.
1. I suppose so. (To 2) You ready?
2. (To 3) Go ahead. I’m not sure yet.
3. I’ll have the bacon cheese burger please.
S. You mean from the menu?
1. Yes.
S. You can’t be tempted by our specials - The Brass Knob. The Parlor Fan?
1. No, just the bacon cheese burger please.
S. And your beverage?
1. Ice tea.
S. Ice tea?
1. You “do”ice tea don’t you?
S. Yes, of course. The tea is sun brewed Javanese sweetened with all natural fruit pectins.
1. That’ll be fine. Thank you.
S. (to 2) Ready?
2. Not sure.
1. S’not that tough.
2. I don’t know.
1. How many things are there? Hamburgers or salads.
2. All that fat. All that grease.
3. Just get a salad then.
2. But then I’ll be hungry.
S. Why don’t I give you a few more minutes? Let me get your tea and I’ll come back.
1. Thank you.
(S goes off)
2. I can’t decide. I can never decide. I never know what I want.
1. It’s not like you have that many choices. It’s only salads or hamburgers.
2. That’s just it, There aren’t many choices and I don’t like getting stuck with The Brass Knob or the Bronze Hinge.
.
1. Do you wanna go somewhere else?
2. No, it’ll be just as bad. What choice do you really have?
1. Salad or hamburger - it ain’t that tough!
2. You know I look in the mirror and I say to myself “Why?”
1. Why what?
2. Why anything? Why do we have no choice?
1. If you don’t want a hamburger and you don’t want a salad.......?
2. There are lots of things I don’t want. But I get them anyway. Look at this nose for instance. I mean of all the noses in
the world why do I have this one?
1. What does your nose have to do with lunch?
2. It’s the same thing. No choice.
1. Your nose has nothing to do with ordering lunch.
2. Yes it does. It’s the same problem. No choice. You get stuck with things and if you want to eat it has to be either
hamburgers or salads.
1. I said we can go somewhere else.
2. It’ll still be either hamburgers or salads.
1. You wanna go for Chinese.
2. So - big deal, rice or noodles . It’s still the same. It’s still all that greasy stuff they put on ‘em and still the same nose
that I got stuck with.
1. What in cripes’ name has your nose got to do with any of this?
2. Everything. Just look at this nose! Why should I have to get stuck with this nose?
1. I don’t know. Genetics I guess. Your father have a big nose?
2. See - a big nose. You said it.
1. But you were the ......
2. And no, he doesn’t have the big nose. It’s my mother.
1. Can we just order lunch?
2. And just look!
1. At what.
2. My nose! .....What am I talking about?
1. Who cares?
2. No, just look! ....See?
1. See what?
2. The pimple, as big as life right on the end of my nose.
1. I don’t see ...... Oh yeh, ...Good grief ..! It’s a little tine red spot. You hardly notice.
2. It’s a pimple.
1. You can’t even....
2. Yes you can. And did I ask for it. Did I have a choice?
1. Well,....
(The server approaches)
S. Have you decided yet?
1. I’ll have the cheeseburger with bacon and mushrooms and a glass of ice tea.
2. I don’t know. All that grease.... what it does.
S. Oh, I know - not good for the complexion.
2. See - he/she sees it too.
S. Sees what?
2. The pimple on my nose.
S. Excuse me?
2. This, right here (pointing). The pimple on the end of my nose!
1. Excuse my friend he/she ......
2. That’s just the kind of thing I mean. People look at you and say - “Did you see that guy/girl with the pimple on his/her
nose?”.
S. I’m sorry . I didn’t mean to....
2. No - no. You’re proving my point. People look at you and what do they see? Not me! No, it’s not me they see,
they look at you and point and they see the pimple on your nose. Did I ask for this? Did I have a choice? “There goes
that guy/girl with the pimple on his/her nose.”
1. Maybe you should just have the salad.
S. I only meant that I have the same problem, greasy food does a number on my .....
1. Just order the salad.
2. Order the salad and starve, order the hamburger and give people something to look at.
S. I’m really sorry. I do apologize.
2. You have nothing to apologize for. This is the story of my life. Did I ask for any of this? Did I ask for a big nose with a
pimple on the end of it? What choice do you have?
1. I’m not sure if I’m still hungry. Maybe you should just cancel my order.
S. I under.......
2. No, we’re out to lunch and we’re going to have lunch.
1. All right. (trying to compose) I’ll have that hamburger with mushrooms and bacon.
2. Nothing for me.
1. You’re not going to eat?
2. No
W Can I bring you something to drink?
2 Nothing thank you.
1. Not even water?
2. Not even water.
W. One hamburger with mushrooms and bacon and an ice tea. (To 2) And....?
2. Nothing, thank you.
1. Nothing.
S. Nothing.
2 If I don’t choose I won’t be responsible.