Is It Me?

_IS IT ME?


by Tony Devaney Morinelli

CAST: 2 females

SETTING: 2 chairs. One woman in a dress. One woman in a suit. ( Costumes may be imagined)

INTENT: Conversations in which the speaker is talking to herself.

Working out small movements between two people.

Simple physical comedy.




(TWO WOMEN WAITING FOR A JOB INTERVIEW

Each is holding a clip board with a job application attached and a pen.)





1.(She reads) NAME.......... ( and fills in)

2. (Reading) DATE OF BIRTH .......

1. (Glancing sideways at 2) I wonder how old she is?

2. Is she what they're looking for?

1. I wonder what type she is?

2. I should have worn the suit.

1. Would the dress have been more feminine?

2. She has presence in that suit.

1. A dress is less threatening. Especially to another woman.

2. I knew I got here too early.

1. Why are they running late?

2. I wonder if they do this on purpose so that you see what you're up against.





1. Well at least I know what the competition looks like.

2. A bit hard looking if you ask me.

1. She looks too much like a push-over.

2. Where did I read that they make you wait on purpose.

1. All this waiting. My feet are sweating.

(She pushes one shoe off, notices a smell - puts her hand lightly to her nose - then catches herself and tries to get it back on.)



2. Am I sweating?

1. What do I smell?

2. I can't look under my arms.

1. Is that me?

2. Why did I wear this silk dress?

1. I should have bought new shoes.

2. I feel so stupid.

1. Is that my feet?

2. (Touches under her arm) Doesn't feel wet.

1. Can't be me.

2. Smells like feet.

1. Maybe its her.

2. Something smells odd.

1. It's not me.

2. Maybe its her.





1. Could be her.

(2 drops her pen intentionally and tries to lean over and "sniff" 1 while 1 tries the same)( The next two exchanges are delivered at the same time)

______________

2. ( awkwardly) Oh! I AM sorry!

1.Oh! Excuse me!

______________

_______________

2. Lovely shoes!

1. Lovely dress you have on.

_______________

2. Oh, I .......... (laughs at the awkwardness of the situation)

1. Yes, I ...... (laughs)

2. I suppose I dropped my pen.

1. Yes, and so did I.

2. These things are such a worry aren't they?

1. So much pressure.

2. How long have we been here?

1. I don't know. (Looks at her watch) It's been about an hour.

2. An hour!

1. They do make you wait.

2. Well, why should we?

1. Because we want the job.

2. But who wants to work for a place that shows no consideration for their employees?

1. Yes, they could have been more considerate.

2. Yes, indeed.

1. Especially , well , you know. The way they schedule.

2. The way they schedule.

1. Two of us at the same time.

2. What time was your appointment?

1. Eleven.

2. Eleven! I have eleven!

1. No consideration.

2. None.

1. I'd leave if I were you.

2. You would.

1. Yes, indeed. I'd leave.



2. Well, I should think you'd want to go right in there and give them a piece of your mind.

1. What good would that do? They don't care. Just leave and let them wonder.

2. Why should I leave? Why don't you leave?

1. I don't mind waiting.

2. Well, neither do I.

1. Are you really just going to sit there?

2. I have time.

1. It doesn't offend you?

2. I'm a patient person. Anyone can make a mistake.

1. And you're going to let them walk all over you, just like that - right from the start?

2. Walk all over me?

1. Walk all over you. No consideration.

2. I can wait.

(Pause)

1. You know my dear, I did notice. Of course, if you're going to wait ,you want to present your best side.

2. My best side?

1. I mean you wouldn't want to go in there and .... well, ... you know,.... offend.

2. Offend?

1. Well, there is a certain, ..... smell.

2. Smell?

1. I mean, in all the rush, ... The excitement,..... any one can forget their roll-on.

2. Roll - on?

1. (Whispers) Deodorant, dear.

2. Oh, oh my! ( panic stricken, she feels under her arms) IS IT ME? Oh, I knew it was me!

1. Don't be embarrassed. It can happen. We're only human after all.

2. Oh, I'm mortified. It's a good thing I didn't go in there.

1. Good thing you caught it in time.

2. They haven't seen me yet. I'll go out to the pay phone and call in to say I'm sick. I'm sure they'll re-schedule.





1. Of course they will.

2. (Sniffing and touching under her arm as she runs off.) Oh, my goodness!

1. Well, that was rather easy wasn't it?

(Silence. She resumes filling in the form. She hesitates. Sniffs. Takes off her shoe. Sniffs. Raises her foot to her nose.)

1. UUUUGHHHH! IT IS ME!!!! ( She runs off.)